"One is not born, but rather becomes, a
woman" (Beauvoir)
In Indian
society there are countless reasons which confirm the obsession with a male
child and concern for safety and security of a girl from drooling mouths and
scanning eyes. The financial and religious advantages that a
boy child brings into the family and the assurance of economic security to the
parents in the old age raise the status quo of the male child and the girl
is 'socially appropriated' to desert her natal home after marriage. In Bengali
Hindu families the rituals which begin with birth and continue up to death
exclusively prefer a male child. From Rakhi, Bhaiphonta (wishing well for a
brother by applying chandan in the forehead and the mark is believed to close
the door of every plausible peril), Jamai Sasthi (when the mother-in-law fasts
and cooks every (im)possible stuff for the son-in-law), Upanayan (thread
ceremony) which is reserved for a Brahmin male child, leading to the last
rituals, followed by the funeral of parents. Women are given an insignificant role to support
the menfolk without expecting to reverse or revise those customs. It created a
kind of fear-psychosis in my mind from childhood and I struggled to prepare
myself for resisting this imbalance. I decided to adopt a girl and raise her
(which I plan to do sooner or later) without ascribing caste or religion and
thought to marry only if the other person is prepared to accept the way I am. I
protested against correcting my dental flaw as the doctor insisted that it
would not help me in hooking a good husband.
I defied traditions and tied Rakhi
on my sister’s wrist, smeared tilak on her forehead on the day of Bhaiphonta, played cricket and carom for a long time in a male
dominated zone, went for inter-school sports, drill, marching and yoga
competitions. Thus I became a feminist to challenge the persistent gender equality
in a misogynistic society. I remained strong when people perceived me as a
body-bound fragile female, easy to be groped and scared. I had to make way through the slang and slurs in the public transport undaunted
and protested against the lascivious gestures towards a single woman traveler. I gave
vent to my firm objection at the unacceptability of sexist sick jokes made by
friends in a 'lighter vein'. I started taking charge of my life and became very
much protective about my space and freedom to think and subvert religious
dogmas which have made me a woman and laid down instructions regarding do’s and
don’ts. I took a stand in breaking the abusive relationship and refused proposals
from men who wished to find the submissive wife material without professional
ambition. I became a feminist when they said 'there is no space for feminism in
India where we value tradition and moral codes rather than a person's agency'
and chose feminism as an alternative to institutionalized silence. I travelled the places around the world on my own for
research purpose by probing into the
"risky" topics of sexuality, female autonomy and pleasure. I have
encountered confused and curious gazes and smirks in book stalls and libraries in India while
looking for primary sources on the taboo topic and confidently flipped through
the pages in front of the embarrassed people who are not used to view a woman
looking for those booklets. While travelling alone abroad and breaking the normative code of docile womanhood I prevented advances from men who wanted to take an unsuspecting woman to bed.
A friend's mother used to tell me apprehensively "you appear to be
so jolly but I wonder how long it will last as every girl is destined to go
through an extremely tough phase when all smiles disappear". I always
laughed away the heaviness in her words as I decided to be happy no matter what
the situation is.
Kadam Chhota, Change Bada
Every change begins with a small step, whether it’s a change within your family, or the whole country! India’s hero, Padman, had its digital premiere on ZEE5, on 11th May. Don’t miss this inspiring true-life story, only on ZEE5. Download the app and subscribe now. For every subscription, ZEE5 will donate Rs. 5 towards the personal hygiene needs of underprivileged women.
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